Rosemary Gregory is the first-prize winner of the Bookbite Funny Poetry competition. Here is her story.
I semi-retired in July 2009 and decided that writing might be something I would enjoy taking up with my new-found freedom. I first discovered Bookbite in April 2009 from the local library and looked up the website to see what it was all about. On the strength of this I then joined a short creative writing course at my local FE college and enjoyed it very much.
As I now had time for me, I had started walking, and did a couple of four- or five-mile walks each week. I found that lines of poetry would suddenly come to me with my stride, and I wrote a couple of poems. In August I entered the Bookbite Funny Poetry competition with a poem about rambling that I wrote after taking a reluctant friend on a rather muddy walk.
A couple of months later I had a terrible shock. In October I was diagnosed with cancer. As you can imagine, this sent me reeling. I decided that, in the wait before surgery, I would get myself as healthy as possible by walking more regularly. I walked almost daily and found many lines of poetry came to me during these walks – mostly funny ones, but the occasional bleak one.
Rosemary (L) and her sister (R) walking on the Malvern Hills
During this waiting time, I got a wonderful phone call from Bookbite. I was absolutely delighted to hear that I had won the Funny Poetry competition with my poem about rambling. The timing couldn’t have been better. The news gave me a real boost, and I set to editing and completing the bits of poetry I had done during my walks.
At two in the morning during the time before surgery, the night horrors would strike. I didn’t know what the outcome of my diagnosis would be, and the waiting for appointments, results etc was very draining. In the wee small hours I found that the lines of poetry I had discovered while walking could make a refrain to help me sleep. I then found that they developed into verses and full poems. My bedside light was on and off quite a few times in the early hours as I wrote the ideas on a notepad next to the bed.
After surgery, I was unable to get out and about much, and once again the writing helped - I edited some more and wrote more. I also took up cartoon sketching from the Cartoons for Dummies book, in the hope that I might be able to publish an anthology about retirement and include some sketches and gags.
I now have more than 20 poems (not all successful I must say), a few monologues, some cartoons and quotes for my book - and I am still writing. All I need now is a publisher!
Bus Pass Blues
Here is a poem for those of us who use alternative modes of transport: some tips on getting your free bus pass.
Now that I’m a pensioner, I got my bus pass form,
then went to get my photo when the shop was not too busy,
Getting the seat level with my face inside the oval,
so I spun and sat and sat and spun until I felt quite dizzy.
I had three snaps to choose from, I tried some different poses
but none of them were suitable, I had to get it right.
So off to Chez Luigi for a bit of self indulgence
I’m now a daring honey blonde instead of snowy white.
Back to the booth to spin and sit and smile and pose some more,
but three more tries don’t get results, it’s still not my best shot.
Chanteller’s beauty parlour for a full de luxe makeover;
with peachy skin and sultry lashes now I’m feeling hot.
With three more tries I’m still not done, perhaps this booth is faulty,
my lips look thin, my jaw is slack, the crows’ feet are too deep,
so collagen and botox are what I now resort to
the clinic offers youth restored, although it isn’t cheap.
I spin and sit and try again, the photo’s looking better,
just need to get accessories to make me look a star,
Gold earrings and a necklace, a silk scarf makes it perfect but –
I really need this bus pass now, I’ve had to sell the car!
If you would like to share your thoughts on Rosemary's story please email info@bookbite.org.uk
